My body feels like a book in the dryer. I'm looking at the possibility of spinal surgery and waiting for my referral for this doctor. It couldn't come sooner. I can't hardly move. Yesterday, I felt like a caricature of an old person with their back stuck bent over. I have been enduring this pain for far too long and it's more than I can stand. It would be nice to be rid of this pain and back to normal, or as close to normal as possible. I hope that Eric helps me out after this surgery, because I'm going to need it. Heck, I need it now.
|It hurts to move. It hurts worse to sit still. I haven't had pain like this in years. The pain is constant, excruciating, and nagging at every attempt to lean over or pick up even the light things. I don't want to move in the morning. I can't pick up my son without hurting and it's not like I can keep from doing it. I just want it to stop. Part of me wants for the doctor to find something so we can solve the problem, but I worry that if something is found I'll have to have a surgery. It's a catch 22. I just want to be normal, or as close to normal as I can get.|
|Hopefully the situation is resolved, but having to get my point across is just frustrating, because I don't like feeling like a bitch. Nevertheless, I got into an argument with Eric, because I don't like doing everything on my own, with the exception to the weekends. He will dedicate his time cleaning with me and setting the videogames to the side, but during the week it's just me. Logically, how can we maintain the clutter in the house if it's only getting done on the weekend? I just feel overwhelmed with my hefty "To Do" list and if I don't do it, it won't get done. On any given day I have a sinkful of dishes, dinner to cook for Tristan, and then cooking again when Eric gets home, a load or two of laundry, picking up groceries, booking/attending medical or legal appointments, running all over town to pay the gas, electric, and water on paydays, giving the baby a bath, doing school work, attending seminars, and any other errands that arise in between. I just want a bit of relief. I want him to do some laundry or sweep the floors, or maybe when he takes out the trash, remember to grab the crap around the trashcan or replace the bag when he's done. I already do a lot. I wish he would realize how hard it is taking on everything and trying to keep it together. I don't like living stressed and that little helping hand goes a long way. I appreciated it when he washed the dishes and stove that one time, I just wish he did stuff like that more often.|
|Ive seen better days. I didn't intend on spending the first part of my week laid up in bed. I caught the wonderful strand of stomach flu and spent the better half of two days frequenting the bathroom and the other half tossing and turning in bed. I know my work is not too pleased with me for the lack of appearance. |
Speaking of appearance, Eric has had to keep up appearances at work. He caught what I caught and has had to save face by still going into work and letting them believe he's fine. I feel bad. I wish he could do the same. Good thing it only lasts a day or so. All will be well soon.
Sitting on the couch in the absence of him feels off. There was times where I wanted nothing more than to be alone in my life. I was happier and content with it, until I met someone who let me know what I was missing. I have a moral dilemma everytime I turn on the t.v. because I'm dying to watch one of our recorded DVR series, but it's not as entertaining without having him to share it with. I like having him around, no matter the petty arguments we have. It's like living with my best friend. I come home everyday and just wait for him to get off. Even if it's excruciatingly exhausting considering I wake up so early and he works night shift... My day hinges on that kiss I give him before I head off to work and the ones I get before I skip off to bed, oh and the slobbery, duck-lipped kisses I get from my two-year old son. I mind being alone. I'd rather torture myself with the thought of him always being around bugging me. Together we are clumsy, unlucky, fish-killing, gossiping, dorky, dweeby, messy, and perfect for one another. I wouldn't change a thing.